Ah Yes... Cancerversary 9/15/11.... 3 years out from diagnosis
it is still in the rear view mirror...
Getting ready for this year's mammogram follow-up, I find myself in a better place, but still baffled by what this cancer thing is all about.
I still find myself angry as I remember all of the sisters lost this year to this horrible disease. I also find myself stronger and longing to keep increasing the distance between myself and the scars that it has left me with. I finally feel like life is returning and that fear is lessoning. As my strength returns, so does the confidence that I am a survivor and I have a firm grasp on this life.
What is this disease anyway. Why do some get so sick and some are able to make it through? Why is it that once you have been given the dreadful diagnosis, nobody looks at you the same way? Not your doctors, not your friends, not work, nobody!
Also, what the hell is so special about 5 years? I understand statistically the chances of reoccurance drop, but I have met women who have made it well past 5 years only to have to return to that seat in the chemotherapy room. So is it that magical? I think it puts 5 years of undo stress in our lives. Give me some more of that crappy medicine please so that I can hit the 5 year mark, I might puke my way to the finish line or be unable to walk because of my aching bones, but damn it I will hit 5 years. Is that what this is all about?
I know this might sound down right callous to some of my sisters that are still in the thick of the battle. But, I just don't get it. This year has really turned my thoughts and opinions of this disease upside down. A year ago I was the queen of pink, thinking that I was grasping back my life and doing the good thing "for the cure"! Then I have read and learned at just how over marketed and manipulated the world of pink is and it really forms a sick pit in my stomach.
On the bright side, my daughter has given me one more golden ring on the journey of life to live for. My new grandchild will hopefully come into this world in February, 2012. I hope that this child finds a world that comes to its' senses both politically and with regard to the irradication of diseases that have affected us for far to long. I hope that my Matt, my daughter and this new baby are blessed with the important things in life, faith, family and love.
As I have said all ready, I am in a very different place this year. Mammogram... BRING IT ON! I am the weeble that can wobble, but I won't fall down!
Loving thoughts for all the Sisters that have passed on from this life to the next!
