Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma (ALCL)

It's like adding one more shoe to the collection, as being a survivor is often like waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Even though odds are that you would get hit by lightening before you got this rare form of cancer, it just provides one more worry, one more monkey on my shoulder.

More info... on the newly issued warning
Like all of this - our best tool to beat the beast is to be educated about it!

Army of Women

Face your Tiger

Good article.  Empower yourselves and rock on Sistahs.

http://www.breastcancerwellness.org/mags/jan11/index.html?page=6

There is beauty in the Snow..

As most know, I am the "sunshine" lover -- a long sunny day beside this pool is the life for me!  Yesterday, we got another good snowstorm.  I do think that winter brings me some sadness and makes me way more reflective about things.  The loss of my dear friend Tammy was heavy on my mind while I watched the snowflakes falling silently to the ground.  The sound of traffic was not present as the roads were not good for travel.  In that stillness, I thought about how fragile life is. 

Just like the snow, it casts it's beauty for a short period of time and then it melts away.  Sometimes there are difficulties and struggles to deal with while it is here. However, we do it and we remember that even though there were these difficulties, the beauty was wonderful to behold.

I pray that Tammy's family, Mig, Brianna, Krystal, Eddie and Sam all remember the beauty that Tammy brought to our lives.  She was a strong and courageous woman, sharing her love with all to lift their spirit.

I remember when I was diagnosed in 2008, getting prepared to start my treatment with chemotherapy.  Tammy called.  She told me we were going to beat this thing that was now affecting both of us.  She gave me strength and courage to move forward.  We talked about treatment and she told me "don't think of it as poison, just close your eyes and think that this is good, this is going to heal me".  Then she reminded me how much she loved me and that she was always there for me. 

Now, you are gone from my sight, Tammy.  But, I believe that you are still there for me and that I can talk to you anytime I need to.  I will miss seeing your smile and hearing your laugh, but I will always remember it.

Rest in peace my friend, you have certainly left us all with lots to appreciate in knowing you.  I will always love you.

Gone from my sight

I am so mixed with emotion right now.  I have waited to write about all that I am feeling for the time when I felt that I could.  My dear friend Tammy is making the passage from this place to the place I believe is "home" for all of us.  It is a place of peace and love and beauty.  Cancer and all other things that affect us in the human condition are all without power in this place.  For, the Father holds the key to this kingdom and I believe that it is as magnificent as he is.

When I looked into my friends eyes this week, there was so much sadness.  I understood it deeply.  I knew that she knew that this fight was nearing the end.  Letting go is never easy in any situation - but, I think that it is in a time like this, the ultimate point, where you understand spiritually what it really means.

I still have so much anger toward Cancer and how many people it takes from us way before they should go.  But, I do realize that this is my lack of acceptance and willingness to let go.  For, if I truly believe what I have just said that I do, this is not the end, it is a beautiful beginning.  I must put my faith forward and trust in all that I know is good.  This doesn't mean that I cannot be sad, or mourn what is happening.  It is only that I do not fully understand the reasons.  Perhaps it is as simple as God needing another new angel.  With Tammy he is certainly getting a strong and beautiful addition.

I picked up a poem on my last visit with Tammy and Mig.  It says it all for me..

Gone from my sight..

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs ...like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear the load of the living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!" There are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: "Here she comes!"

Mig told me that on Saturday we were together for what was Tammy's last real moment of clarity.  She still had her wonderful sense of humor, making us both laugh a little in between the tears.  I now pray for peace for my sister, and freedom from the bondage of this disease.  She has been a true warrior in every sense of the word, smiling through it all and helping others to realize the power of love.

I will miss you my friend, but I will see you again someday.  I know I will.

But, I'm not ready yet!

I have a dear friend that has reached the crossroads with her battle with cancer.  She is now in Hospice.  Today, I will go and see my friend.  I don't know where she is at spiritually with all of this, but I do know that I struggle.  I am angry at the disease for taking another woman that I love.  I hope that I can put that internal anger aside as I walk through the doors (a place that I have been before) and just find the place with her and her family of peace, acceptance and most of all LOVE.  I am sure that I will.

My grandmother was at this hospice when it first opened, she was actually one of the first residents there.  I remember all of the things that I have pushed aside from that time in my life.  There is a smell of death when cancer takes over.  It is a sweet smell of all things!  I know that it will hit me the minute I walk through the door, making this the reality that I keep hoping that it isn't.

I love you Tammy, my friend, and my prayer is that all of the angels surround you and bring you peace, love and a release from the pain.

Ah Yes - Sistahs.

A true sister is a friend who listens with her heart.-- Author Unknown

Ok so here it is - the first post in Checkum's World!!!  It is fitting that it is a post that honors the women that have become so "key" in my life.  Those wonderful cyber-sistahs that have helped to rebuild my soul that has been wounded by the tsunami of Breast Cancer.  You have held me up when I needed it - made me laugh when I needed it - shared a tear when "we" needed it.. I love you all.