So here I am again standing on the edge of what... wondering where I am headed and what the heck does all that mean that is behind me. I really don't like where I am .. limbo...
But, alas, there is always cyber space to dump it all in... :0
Since August, life has taken a turn onto a new path.. new adventures? What is really crazy about changing your relationship is that even though people don't want to own up to it - they take sides. Life changes, friends change! All the AA BS of the hand of AA always being there for you is a load of CRAP from what I can see. Perhaps it is me - but, I don't know! It is funny because another line that you often hear is that your friends in the bars would not recognize you being gone or perhaps not even remember your name if they saw you. Well, my phone isn't ringing off the hook and my email is not chock full of happy notes... no over booked social schedule either. Loosing old friends hurts there is no way to sugar coat it or make it sound not so bad - it sucks and it hurts.
As for the other events that have me a bit overwhelmed and wound up .. I called my lawyer today to tell her that my court date was set for 1/2 (Happy New Year- right?).. Anyway, she neglected to mention one small detail during our first session and discussion. The little detail is the $4000.00 retainer that she needs to represent me --- what?! Seriously! So my day has been crap from the beginning. I did make another $300.00 appointment with her (much to my hesitation) just to get SOME guidance on what the hell I am doing. I felt like if I didn't I might be pissing in the wind..
Divorce is shitty. It is all about material crap. The person I am for good or bad would rather say frig the crap and start again. Only thing is I am getting old and 30 years of investing in something is just too much to walk away from and say "have at it"... much as I have the desire to do so right now.
Well I guess it is time to take the leap of faith... just hope the water is warm.
I do know one thing (I guess) is even though my bag feels pretty full of crap right now.. I am sure I could find many others that I would gladly keep the load that I have versus taking on theirs.
Two people that are close in my thoughts, in my prayers and in my heart are Angie and Wendy. Both are fighting the fight of their lives with grace and incredible dignity. Ladies know you have a special place in my heart and that I am sending you all of the power of love that I can possibly generate.
Anyway... I guess I have blogged or blabbed enough... at least my computer still likes me.
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