Gone from my sight

I am so mixed with emotion right now.  I have waited to write about all that I am feeling for the time when I felt that I could.  My dear friend Tammy is making the passage from this place to the place I believe is "home" for all of us.  It is a place of peace and love and beauty.  Cancer and all other things that affect us in the human condition are all without power in this place.  For, the Father holds the key to this kingdom and I believe that it is as magnificent as he is.

When I looked into my friends eyes this week, there was so much sadness.  I understood it deeply.  I knew that she knew that this fight was nearing the end.  Letting go is never easy in any situation - but, I think that it is in a time like this, the ultimate point, where you understand spiritually what it really means.

I still have so much anger toward Cancer and how many people it takes from us way before they should go.  But, I do realize that this is my lack of acceptance and willingness to let go.  For, if I truly believe what I have just said that I do, this is not the end, it is a beautiful beginning.  I must put my faith forward and trust in all that I know is good.  This doesn't mean that I cannot be sad, or mourn what is happening.  It is only that I do not fully understand the reasons.  Perhaps it is as simple as God needing another new angel.  With Tammy he is certainly getting a strong and beautiful addition.

I picked up a poem on my last visit with Tammy and Mig.  It says it all for me..

Gone from my sight..

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs ...like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear the load of the living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!" There are other eyes watching her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: "Here she comes!"

Mig told me that on Saturday we were together for what was Tammy's last real moment of clarity.  She still had her wonderful sense of humor, making us both laugh a little in between the tears.  I now pray for peace for my sister, and freedom from the bondage of this disease.  She has been a true warrior in every sense of the word, smiling through it all and helping others to realize the power of love.

I will miss you my friend, but I will see you again someday.  I know I will.